


Unorganized

by Meliamme



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, Deceit is a bitch, Love Confessions, M/M, Physical and emotional tourture, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 13:13:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15663915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meliamme/pseuds/Meliamme
Summary: Logan has found a way to cope with his useless and painful emotions. When it backfires, Patton is there to help him.





	Unorganized

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to me not being able to control my one-shot writing and turning this into a really long fic. I love angst. Not really. But for anyone reading this thank you and have a wonderful day! I'm sorry for anyone who likes Deceit.

Logan disliked unorganized things.

They were so distasteful, all messy and just a painful ordeal to sort. The logical side had a perfectly organized room with alphabetized books and painstakingly measured everything. Which means, when a bottle that was erratically shaped appeared on Logan’s desk, he knew about it. He entered the room on a sunny day and glanced around, only to stare at his furniture in wonder. He had essentially locked his ‘door’. It was more of a portal, but he could hear through it. Bringing up the more important question, how did the glass monstrosity turn up in his room? He picked up the bottle and saw the word Pain etched on the - what he presumed was - front. Intrigued, Logan inspected the bottle all the way around, not finding anything in it besides a cork keeping it closed. Logan knew it was unlike him to open the bottle during the time while he should be working, but he was curious.

He uncorked the bottle and immediately felt a weight lift from his shoulders. He unconsciously sighed in relief and then eyed the bottle warily again. It was almost full of a deep purple liquid; the substance was thick and a bubble popped on the surface. Logan frowned and sniffed the air around the bottle. It smelled foul and bitter and it left a sour smell in Logan’s nasal cavity. This was worth investigating. He stuck a finger in the bottle and withdrew a small bit of the liquid and watched it slowly ooze off his finger. He knew this was highly dangerous, but he brought his finger to his lips anyway. He could only hurt himself. Licking his finger and widening his eyes, Logan’s face contorted. The taste was highly bitter and almost stung his tongue. The longer it was in his mouth, the more it hurt. Logan tried swallowing but the liquid refused to go down and just coated his throat. Soon, the pain was everywhere, causing his body to twitch and his hands to shake. He unsteadily wiped his finger on the neck of the bottle and recorked it. 

He hurriedly glanced around the room to find something to empty his mouth in. His trash can. It would have to do. The teacher opened his mouth and meant to spit the substance out until he heard a quiet, “Everyone hates me,” slip from his own mouth. He jumped and clapped a free hand over his mouth. The substance immediately lost its bitter taste and slid down his throat easily. Logan dropped the bottle and it only bounced on the hardwood floors, rattling loudly. The logical side shakily sat on the bed. Fear welled up in his chest and another bottle appeared on his desk. Face flushed, the side grabbed it and uncorked it as well, feeling the fear drain away and seeing the bottle fill halfway up with a sickly yellow color. Only then did he notice it was labeled Fear. Logan sat them both on his desk. This was going to be interesting to test.

A loud, “Logan, we need to talk to you!” interrupted the logical side’s musings and made him jump. He hurried to his portal and slipped through it, quickly rising in his normal spot in the living room. Patton was smiling at him and Logan felt something in him squeeze. Covering his flustered state, Logan fixed his tie and glanced around the room. Roman and Virgil were already there. “Yay! You’re here!” Patton said loudly, startling the other three sides. Logan cleared his throat and let his hand fall behind his back. 

“What did you require my assistance in, Patton?” he asked. The other man beamed and jumped up and down.

“We’ve been having a discussion: Can you have an opinion without feelings?” Logan took this into consideration. It seemed unlikely. You must feel one way or the other to have an opinion, or you could just rely on facts.

“Well Patton, it depends. Normally you could not, considering you must feel one way or the other to have an opinion. On the other hand, you could rely on facts to choose the best option,” Logan said. He slipped into his lecture mode with his words thought out and even. Roman smacked his lips and smirked. 

“So, you take the last root, correct? Since you can’t feel,” he drawled. Logan opened his mouth to object with a highly logical answer when Roman chuckled and lazily said, “Hush, Robo Man. We don’t need to hear your logical nonsense now,” Logan felt the sting of the words and he glanced at the floor and felt anger seeping through his skin as well as an overwhelming sense of loneliness. He glanced at Virgil and the other side just looked away with a sad look.

“Logan must have feelings, right? Roman does and he doesn’t embody a feeling,” Patton argued. Roman raised an eyebrow and scoffed. Logan felt anger boiling under his skin and clenched his jaw tighter. Virgil stared at the floor and Patton was staring at him. The teacher couldn’t look at them and decided the floor suddenly became much more interesting. He knew this wasn’t going to turn out well and he needed to leave. 

“If you only called me down here to cover this topic, I will take my leave,” he said and sunk out of the room. Roman blinked and Patton looked disheartened.

Virgil, who had been silent the whole time, said “Great job Princey, you’ve offended him,” Roman scoffed and waved a hand.

“He’s impossible to offend, you might as well talk to a brick wall,” Roman said and sunk out of the room. Patton did as well and Virgil sighed. This was bad and he could feel it, but he didn’t know what was wrong or what was even going on. He sunk out of the room as well. 

Back in his room, Logan stared at the two new bottles on his desk. One labeled Anger and the other labeled Affection. He uncorked both and felt the emotions fall from him. The anger bottle wall filled with red and the other filled with pink. He suddenly became curious again and opened the other two bottles again. The sharp sting of Roman’s nickname faded away and the uneasiness of embarrassing himself in front of the other sides melt away as well.

 

That is how it went, for weeks; new bottles appearing at times of Logan’s most desperate need. He eventually conjured a shelf to put them on. The original bottles soon became full and new ones always were on his desk. Until one day. Logan entered his room and uncorked all his bottles, letting the emotion sap out of him. He might as well work on his electronic journal. It was something that he had designed himself so he could have his hands free and still record his daily life. He started the recording only to whirl around upon hearing a creak. 

“Deceit,” he spat. The red liquid inched higher as well as the sickly yellow. Logan took his recording device and set it under the carpet, leaving a very obvious bump that he hoped Deceit didn’t notice. He needed evidence if this got nasty. The snaky figure stepped forward and smiled wider than any natural person.

“It is wonderful to see you, Logan,” Deceit said, voice like butter.

“I feel the same upon seeing you as well,” The disliked side slunk closer to Logan and got in his personal space. Logan could smell the reptilian stench Deceit carried with him and slightly wrinkled his nose. He was scared, he admitted. Even with the constant reliever, Logan was aware of his feelings. Deceit quickly stepped around him and grabbed one of the bottles. Logan gritted his teeth and stopped moving, the look on Deceits face worrying. 

“I don’t wonder what these are,” the snake side hissed, swirling the sickly yellow liquid around in the bottle. Logan flinched and his arm twitched, begging to grab the bottle and take it from Deceit. Suddenly, Logan felt smooth surface curling around his limbs. Glancing around, the logical side saw snakes wrapped around his arms and legs, tilting him back so much his feet almost didn’t touch the floor. The other man slithered forward and watched the yellow substance rise and eventually spill out onto his gloves. He brought a hand to his nose and smelled, instantly recoiling and frowning. The smile suddenly returned. “This will taste lovely,” 

“Deceit, no-!” Logan shouted, only for his mouth to be shoved full of the liquid. It tasted putrid, like the underside of a garbage can and the smell of sweat. Pain rocketed through Logan’s body and he couldn’t help but let out a gurgled groan. “I’m scared,” he garbled, voice uneven and choppy. “I can’t do this,” and “I am not competent,” slid out of his mouth as well. More mantras saying that he wasn’t good enough or that he was fearful slipped out of his mouth. Deceit smiled and emptied the bottle into Logan’s mouth. The logical side began to choke and stuttered out even more statements. Sweat poured down his face and his whole body was shaking, the snakes now supporting all of his weight. The snaky side grinned more and grabbed more bottles. That’s how it went, Deceit almost choking Logan until he started to utter more and more of his insecurities, angers, pains, and lastly, affections. Deceit got a kick out of that one, laughing sickly as Logan spluttered about Patton. They had only gotten to halfway through the shelf when someone shouted through Logan’s doorway. 

“Where are you, kiddo? You always show up before now. Come on!” Patton had yelled. 

Logan felt the last of the Affection liquid slip down his throat and he took Deceit’s current distraction to call out a “Help me!” 

A harsh slap hit his cheek and Deceit was glowering at him. “We’re finished here, Logan,” the lying side growled before slipping out of Logan’s room and extracting his snakes. Logan crashed to the floor and shivered, heavy breaths racking his body and making him shudder more. His hair was a mess and his glasses had fallen off; he was a complete and utter wreck and he knew it. He heard a response to his cry. “Fear not, Logan! I shall save you from whatever it is that is sending you into peril!” Roman shouted. 

“Roman, why do you even care? You basically just insulted him and called him an emotionless robot. He won’t want to see you,” Virgil questioned, most likely with an incredulous look on his face. Roman must have backed up from the door and looked offended, because Virgil sighed and said, “You knows it’s true,”

“Now now, Virgil, I’m sure that Roman can still care, right? Friends fight all the time,” Logan’s head felt stuffy and he felt his body twitching uncontrollably. It was illogical, really, that he was this distraught. He should just pick himself off the ground and tell all the other sides that he was fine. But Logan couldn’t, he just couldn’t find the strength. He heard Patton talking on the other side of the door and a harsh cough racked his body. 

“Patton, Patton, please...help,” Logan whispered roughly, his throat sore and gruff from being abused. He waved his hand faintly and allowed Patton access to his room. Patton appeared. 

“Oh my god, Logan! What happened?” Patton yelped as he slid to the floor and lifted Logan up. The logical side curled into the touch and felt himself slide onto Patton’s lap. From nowhere, tears started to fall down Logan’s cheeks and a sob tore through his body, shaking both the figures on the floor. Warm arms wrapped around him and Logan clutched one of them like a lifeline. He gasped more and more and then shuddered. 

“I-I am terribly s-sorry, P-Patton,” Logan muttered, breaths short and jaw shaking. Patton crooned into his ear and rubbed his back. In all their years together, Patton had never seen Logan cry. Even when Thomas went through a breakup, Even when Roman called him harsh names. Even when he was kicked from the group. Logan had never cried; seeing the side on the floor and hearing the muffled cries of pain was strange and altogether heartbreaking. He then glanced at the floor and saw a bottle with pink liquid spilling out of the top. Fear inched through Patton’s body at the thought of one of Logan’s experiments go wrong. 

“What happened, Logan?” Patton asked, uneasiness clear in his voice. Logan must have picked up on it, and he let out a shuddering groan. He raised a hand and the small audio journal floated over to them. He rewound the tape until the beginning of his recording today and pressed play. He heard himself crying out and the words being torn from his throat. He heard Patton calling for him. When it got to the affections part, Logan tried to turn it off but his weak fingers were shaking too hard for him to click the button. Patton took it and listened, face turning a light shade of pink until he lowered the recording device and stopped it. Logan collapsed and his eyes started to shut, his body shutting down and his brain under stress from the trauma. He fell asleep and knew no more. Patton smiled down at Logan’s head and set the teacher on the bed before tucking the covers around him tightly. Once he was done, Patton felt anger boiling through his veins as he sunk out of the room. Roman and Virgil looked confused when he rose up in the living room with a murderous look on his face. The bubbly side sunk down into Deceit’s room with a snarl painted on his face. The snaky side was sitting on his bed with a bored expression on his face and a small snake crawling through his fingers. Patton schooled his emotions in and smiled again. 

“Ah, Patton. It is not a surprise to see you here,” Deceit purred, voice dripping with false boredom. Patton inched closer and closer to the side while pretending to be his normal self. 

“It’s good to see you too, Deceit! Hey, pal, that snake looks cool. Do you mind if I see?” Patton asked, pretending to giggle at the snake on Deceit’s finger. The other side looked slightly confused but shrugged and stuck his hand out. Patton immediately grabbed it and pulled Deceit closer. The anger boiling in his eyes overflowed and he was sure his grip would leave bruises. “You are going to come out of this snaky hole when I call you tomorrow, and you will answer everything truthfully. Or else I will make you suffer for Thomas’s whole entire life, you hear me?” Patton growled. Deceit looked shocked and more than a little scared before he nodded his head vigorously. Patton sunk out of the room and returned to the living room. Roman and Virgil looked very confused still and Patton sighed. 

“I’ll explain everything tomorrow when Logan wakes up. See you guys later,” he called as he sunk into Logan’s room and saw the side asleep. A small smile twitched on his lips and he pulled Logan’s desk chair up to the bedside. Patton knew Logan would be okay, at least physically. Mentally, not so much. But Patton sat there by the bedside and looked at Logan’s resting face until he too fell asleep. 

 

Logan woke while it was still dark outside. He started with a quiet gasp and stared around the room, noting the sleeping figure of Patton and the bottle littering the floor. Memories floated back and Logan covered his face with his hand and shook. He then eyed the shelf opposite of him and looked at the bottles. This would be hard to explain. Patton must have sensed that Logan was awake for he also jumped in his chair ungracefully. Logan glanced at him with his face beet red, remembering that Patton had basically heard Logan’s love confessions. An awkward silence hung in the air, only added to by the quick glances and fiddling of fingers. Logan sighed and looked at the bottle on the shelf again. 

“I believe I should rid of those awful looking bottles. Please excuse me,” he said, voice flat and monotone except for a small shake in the middle. Logan crawled to the end of the bed to stand, only to have his knees shake in pain and hands fly to the bed cover. Patton had leaped up to grab Logan’s waist and was standing very, very close to Logan. Close enough to break the logical side’s composure and overheat his face once more. Logan recovered his nerves and stood on his own, still swaying a bit. 

“Thank you, Patton. The result of my unbalance would have been unsatisfactory,” Logan said, wobbling over to the bottles. Patton frowned slightly and trailed closely as a safety net. Logan began to gather bottles and stacked them all in his arms and then headed to a door leading off of his bedroom. He shook and tried to open the door until Patton opened it for him. Logan kept looking forward and walked into the bathroom. Setting the bottles on several shelves and knocking off some different toiletry items, he kept one bottle and uncorked it. Logan gasped and his hand clenched on the neck of the bottle. He had opened one of the Pain bottle. Its purple liquid rose higher until Logan poured the substance down the drain with a groan. It hurt, the feelings being torn from him and poured down the drain. Once the bottle was mostly empty, Logan corked it again and panted heavily. This was painful and hard on his abused body. Patton stood awkwardly in the doorway, not knowing how to help or what Logan was doing. Why was it hurting him? What were in the bottles? 

“Logan,” Patton said. The other side wiped his forehead and pushed back his hair, suddenly realizing he looked an absolute mess. His glasses fixed, Logan turned around and sent a questioning glance at Patton. “What’s in the bottles?” he asked with a cautionary frown. He didn’t want to push Logan too far. The look on Logan’s face didn’t necessarily help, either. The teacher was fidgety and guilty looking. He finally sighed and fixed his glasses. 

“I don’t really know how to say this, Patton. These, uh, bottles have been holding the physical embodiment of my emotions. It helped me cope with being the only side out there that shouldn’t have emotions. I guess it helped me keep up the facade of being a “robot”, as Roman said.” Logan said, his voice monotone and flat, like always. His body language gave him away, though. His hand fiddling, head slightly tilted down, and feet shuffling. Patton had seen it before. When Logan was embarrassed, guilty, or both. Despite what the other sides thought, Patton studied them and had almost memorized all of their different body languages. Logan was definitely guilty and hurt. Patton must have looked confused, for Logan opened up the bottle he had been holding and poured the small bit of remaining liquid into his mouth.

Logan began to shake and tears pricked at the sides of his eyes. Patton felt scared and sidled up to Logan’s side, hugging the other side around the waist. He felt Logan’s jaw go slack and heard a quiet, “I am the least popular side,” slip from the other side’s lips. He gasped as Logan shook and stared at the ground, unused to showing his emotions to another. Patton squeezed harder and felt his whole core fill with sadness. Logan pulled away and grabbed another bottle. Color after color drained down the sink, creating a strangely colored residue once all the bottles were empty. Patton looked worried as Logan set the last bottle down and corked it. 

Patton then slid up to Logan and smiled softly when the logical side slumped into him, obviously drained and in need of another nap. The father figure guided Logan to bed with a chuckle and tucked him in. Just as Patton was about to leave, a small voice stopped him. “Stay. Please,” Logan whispered, looking very, very needy. Patton nodded and came back, sliding under the covers next to Logan and pressing their bodies together. Logan was small and shivering, his arms shaking slightly. Patton smiled again when Logan unconsciously huddled closer to him. Was everything Logan said true? About liking Patton? Logan lifted a trembling hand to Patton’s cheek as if he had read his mind. “I didn’t lie once today. Your freckles are beautiful,” he said, warmth filling his gaze. Patton blushed heavily and brought a hand to sweep a stray piece of hair from Logan’s eyes. Their faces leaned closer together until Patton paused and searched Logan’s eyes for any sign he did not want this. Logan huffed quietly and then surged forward, lips pressing against Patton’s. 

It was a sweet, soft kiss, as Logan was far too tired to actually put any heat into it. Patton blushed and when the logical side backed up as well, his face was a bit redder than it had been before. Logan smiled softly and murmured, “I love you, Patton,” Patton blushed and squeezed Logan tighter against his body. Logan started to drift off, but he heard a quiet, “I love you, too,” before he nodded off.


End file.
